Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
