i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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