was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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