are you still at the devil's house?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
