thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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