she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
