I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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