I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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