addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
