is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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