Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
