Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
