Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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