Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
