I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
