Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
