my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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