I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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