Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
