I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
