your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
