Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
