i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
