I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
