What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
