and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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