hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i already hear my dad disowning me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
