as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
