She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
