He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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