yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Boobs are out for the taking
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
