this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
