so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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