i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
