turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
