I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
