Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
