please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
