I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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