If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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