Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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