Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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