hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
