I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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