I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
