I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
