You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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