just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
