Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
