Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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