Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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