jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
