u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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