I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
